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    Orikat - Joining

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    Orikat
    Novice

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-04-10
    Location : Cairo

    Character Sheet
    Level: 1
    Experience:
    0/150  (0/150)

    Orikat - Joining

    Post by Orikat on Fri Apr 22 2016, 19:01

    Character Name: Orikat

    Starting Location: Earth

    Race: Saiyan

    Attributes:

    Strength: 100
    Ki: 115
    Agility: 100
    Endurance: 135

    You start with 50 technique points (TP). What abilities will you start with?

    After Image: Your character Speed Bursts away, leaving behind an illusion of themselves where they once were, causing your opponent to commit to the attack. After Image adds +10% agility to your Speed Burst bonus. It works very well for evading direct attacks.

    Damage Rating: None
    Actions: Augment
    FP Gain: +15
    Prerequisites: None
    Learning: 50 TP

    How did you find this site? Referred.

    Were you referred to this site, if so, who referred you? Pav.

    Roleplay Sample (250 words): The moccasin traveled crosswise, missed, and tore through space the Telgradian had just occupied; landing back to settle on the floor black as the depths of night. Like a nebulous specter Shinsou moved, as if vanishing and--as Anubis caught him from the corner of his eye--to reappear behind the Salvarian. Shit, he’s faster than before. Anubis spun meanwhile on the same foot. Can’t let him fool me.

    Thoughts of such an occurrence was an image engraving itself on the abstract wall of his mind, defying his every command to begone. Like ravenous larvae, it fed upon his qualms, his own undoing.

    As he chanced to meet his adversary, Anubis captured a glimpse of one side of the timeless arena. Within a half-second interval black, lilac, and blue formed as one hazy squall. And within the same interim, he thought, Things… his eye settled, deadlocked on the sorcery that ensued. Have taken a turn…

    Shinsou had his free hand outstretched, a pale hand held forth and illuminated by black and alluring amaranth. A small, albeit murderous blade conjured; a crepitating dirk liable to do what the sorcerer’s Enpera had once failed at doing. All this transpired in nothing more than a second, where Anubis tensed at the advent of this newborn power. Naught but his hands in his immediate arsenal, the swordsman used his organic appendages to stop a likely mortal blow intended for his flank.

    A crash recurred athwart, the iterating of a sound twisted by the meeting of mortal flesh and nefarious sorcery. A bead of sweat oozed at the swordsman’s veined temples. Anubis could feel Shinsou’s strength behind the weapon; a resolve to exact revenge from his once uprooter, to murder him for his own bittersweet justice; buckling under the strain as his heels stamped the earth.


    Sample source.


    Last edited by Orikat on Sat Apr 23 2016, 07:08; edited 1 time in total

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 30
    Join date : 2016-04-02

    Re: Orikat - Joining

    Post by Admin on Fri Apr 22 2016, 21:26

    You still have 50 Attribute Points to spend my friend.
    avatar
    Orikat
    Novice

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-04-10
    Location : Cairo

    Character Sheet
    Level: 1
    Experience:
    0/150  (0/150)

    Re: Orikat - Joining

    Post by Orikat on Sat Apr 23 2016, 07:08

    Fixed.

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 30
    Join date : 2016-04-02

    Re: Orikat - Joining

    Post by Admin on Sat Apr 23 2016, 13:02

    Looks good Orikat, just some feedback for your writing -

    Shit, he’s faster than before. Anubis spun meanwhile on the same foot. Can’t let him fool me.

    This should be formatted, wrote like -

    "She, he's faster than before," Anubis thought, as he spun on the same foot. "Can't let him fool me."

    Thoughts or speech should be separated from the main body of text for easier reading, and quotations or italics used to indicate thinking.

    Shit, he’s faster than before. Anubis spun meanwhile on the same foot. Can’t let him fool me.

    Also, your writing is very 'wordy', it's good and has excellent description, which is what I liked most about reading it - just be careful not to use so many descriptive words that are not commonly used as descriptive words.

    by black and alluring amaranth - I had to look up amaranth, and what I got was that it was a word for supergrains, or a type of flower. Your writing needs to be understood by your partners and by the person grading your RP, if it's exceptional you might just get a bonus, but if it's not then you might get a penalty depending on how hard it is to read and understand.

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 30
    Join date : 2016-04-02

    Re: Orikat - Joining

    Post by Admin on Sat Apr 23 2016, 13:02

    Oh and approved, welcome to the RPG.

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